Family
by dark-angel-rising
Summary: An angsty an
1. Flying Spaghetti and Meatballs!

**Family**

**by dark-angel-rising**

DAR - I wonder if they will like this story.

Dartz - Not likely.

DAR - meany.

Dartz - hn.

DAR – hey Dartzy, do the disclaimer.

Dartz – I would, but then I would send your soul to the Great Leviathan.

DAR – okay okay! All you had to say was no thanks.

Dartz – Fine. No thanks.

DAR – I forgot what I was going to say before.

Dartz – Must no have been that important.

DAR – Yeah, you're right.

Dartz - Yay!

DAR - (sweatdrops)

**Chapter 1**

Dartz, the five-time recipient of the Mr. Dialolical-Evil-Genius Award was currently suffering through the most horrible, cruel torture known to man. Also, it was known as dinner. Right now, Valon was busy flinging his mashed potatoes at Alister. The redhead was retaliating by throwing his spaghetti and meatballs at the Australian brunette. The two were screaming at each-other loudly and incoherently. In his own seat, Raphael was busy drinking down Advil after Advil.

"You stupid Aussie! You hit me in the eye!" Screamed Alistar, throwing his plate of food at Valon who quickly ducked out of the way. The plate smashed into the wall, breaking, and leaving a large goopy mess on the wall and the floor. Dartz' eye twitched. _That was my best china. That wall was painted just yesterday._

"You're the one thats stupid carrot top!"

Ohhh, you're gonna regret that!"

Valon laughed like a maniac, "I'll kill you in your sleep!" he yelled, flinging jello at Alister.

Alister's eyes grew to the size of dinnerplates, "Dartz-sama! Valon says he'll kill me in my sleep!" he cried, pointing an accusing finger at the little brunette.

"Valon, stop threatening Alister, Alister, Valon isn't stupid, he's special, Raphael, stop drinking all those Advils, you'll get addicted." Said Dartz, not looking up from his plate of goop. _Note to self, don't let Raphael cook, just order out._

The arguement settled, the trouble-making duo began to fight over some of the most irrelevant matters. Alister's hair, Valon's hair, colors, and what kind of shampoo smells better. Now they were coming up with strange and highly disturbing ways to kill each other.

"I'll slice you open and feed your entrails to the squirrels!"

"Oh yea? Well not before I make Alister pancakes out of you on my bike!"

"I'll fold you in half and tape your bowels to your neck like a bowtie!"

Dartz wiped a tear away from his eyes. They were growing up so fast! Soon they would be running around stealing souls, killing people, stealing more souls...

The evil man looked over at the third boy whom he was currently raising. Raphael was slumped against the table, not moving at all. Dartz frowned slightly and poked the blonde with a fork.

No reaction.

Poke.

Nothing.

Poke.

Still nothing.

Dartz frowned in worry.

STAB!

"OWWWW!"

Raphael jumped up in the air, squaking in pain.

"He's alive!" Dartz cried out, raising his arms in a joyful manner. He was about to do a little song and dance when a thought suddenly ran through his periwinkle-haired head. The five time recipient of the Mr. Diabolical-Evil-Genius Award didn't break into song and dance whenever his future employee would brush by death. He looked down at his food in suspicion. Someone out there was drugging him! And he had an idea who it was...

(I could stop here but I'm not that mean.)

"VALON!" WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY FOOD!" Valon and Alister were currently in the Living Room, the former choking his comrade until he was turning an interesting shade of blue. Dartz stormed into the room, grabbing the Aussie by the collar and raising him up to eye level. Alister took that opportunity to get up off the floor and crawl away, breathing like someone who had asthma.

"What did you do to my food Valon!" Dartz growled, staring at the boy with fury.

o0o

Our favorite blue-eyed Australian brunette found himself scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. He sighed dejectedly. So much for drugging Dartz and getting that new bike he'd been eyeballing in the store. Dartz had him cleaning the floors of his _mansion _with a toothbrush! Life sucked. This was all Alister's fault. He didn't know how but he was damn sure that the redhead had planned his demise. Afterall, what else was he doing spending so many hours locked up in his room, periodically laughing like a maniac? The young boy growled furiously, scrubbing the tiles in fury, pretending that every tile had Alister's stupid face on it. While he was down on the floor, Dartz walked in, looking at the boy harshly.

"Don't scrub too hard, Valon, you might scratch the floors!" He said in a mocking voice. Valon growled angrily, muttering foul curses under his breath. Dartz smirked and left the room. Now to find the other hellions.

He followed the path of chaos and destruction, which lead straight to the kitchen. He entered the kitchen, nearly falling down in shock from the destruction two human beings could cause. At the counter stood Raphael, stirring some strange gooey mixture, while Alister was sitting in the corner, stuffing his face with Coco Puffs and giggling madly. Raphael was the first to see Dartz and ran up to him, holding the bowl of... something.

"Wanna try some pancake mix?" He asked, holdng the dripping spoon under Dartz' nose. Dartz sighed, and ate the mixture, nearly choking on it.

"Opsie, that wasn't pancake mix." Raphael said. Dartz ran to the sink, emptying his mouth.

When he looked over at Alister, the redhaired boy was now shoveling Wheat Thins down his throat. His Wheat Thins. Dartz' Wheat Thins.

"ALISTER!"

When Valon walked into the kitchen, he saw a very strange sight. Raphael was giggling like a small girl, shoveling sugar into his mouth. Dartz was running around the room, chasing Alister, who was laughing like a maniac, holding a box of Wheat Thins.

"Give me back my Wheat Thins you phsycotic brat! Give them back!" Screamed Dartz, trying to grab Alister. Unfortunately for him, Alister was amazingly fast, and ran out of the kitchen, followed by Dartz.

Valon took a last look at Raphael, and quickly left. Valon pushed the door open to his room and shuffled inside. He glanced around. The walls were lined with posters of bikers posed in their awesome stunts, the floor covered with cookie crumbs and dirty clothes that Dartz had wanted him to clean two weeks ago… and of course, there was a bunch of porno magazines underneath his bed.

He decided to read the latest issue, snacking on an old cookie, hearing occasional screams coming from the hallway and outside. Finally, he looked outside, seeing Dartz holding Alister by the feet, demanding the boy to give him back his Wheat Thins. Valon shrugged. At least it wasn't him that was in trouble.

A/N

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

I do not own Wheat Thins.

I do not own Coco Puffs.

I do not own Advil.

There are you happy? I hope you are!

DAR - Hey, Dartzy, are you gonna tell the peoples to review?

Dartz - no.

DAR - Fine I'll do it. Review my evil minions! Review! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dartz - Nice evil laugh.

DAR - Thanks! -


	2. Evil Squirrels, and Dummies Books

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**Reviews!**

**Shrilanka-San** : NOOO! Not the evil bunnies! Thank you, hope you like this chapter.

**fightingcomet **: I think I would too! But they're just kids in this one so they aren't too evil.

**Chapter 2 **

"AIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Raphael was calmly polishing his beloved guardian cards when a hysterical scream made him jump about five feet in the air and hit his head painfully on a shelf. Grumbling angrily and muttering under his breath, the blonde boy stalked toward the door. Once he stepped out into the hall, he saw exactly what the problem was. Alister was running around in circles, screaming and crying hysterically as a squirrel was perched on his head. Nearby, Valon was snickering loudly, all the while taking pictures as fast as he could. Raphael growled, smacking Valon upside the head before walking back to his room.

_Idiots._ He thought angrily. Gently he picked up his cards, holding them lovingly. Perhaps he should ask Dartz-sama if he could have a special trunk to protect his cards from those two phsycotic morons. He winced as a loud crash sounded from the hall. He heard Alister howling in pain and Valon's laughter. Another crash sounded, and this time it was answered by Dartz' furious yells. Raphael smirked. He couldn't miss this! When he looked outside he saw Dartz yelling at Valon, threatening to bash his head in with an Orichalcos Stone. Nearby, Alister was still yelling and running in circles. Finally, Dartz paid attention to the redhead. He swept over to the boy, quickly pulling the squirrel out of his hair. The evil creature put up a fight, scratching and yabbering in squirrel language. Finally it let go, but still took a large amount of red hair with it. Alister was sniffling sadly, rubbing his poor head. Raphael held back a laugh. He quickly retreated back to his room when he realised that Dartz was looking at him suspiciously.

He listened as the sounds of yells died away, before diving under his bed and pulling out his stash. Ahh yes, wonderful, sweet, steroids. He quickly popped some in his mouth and ran into the gym to work out.

_Yeah,_ he thought, _soon I'll look sexy hot and all the chicks will fall in love with me!_ He was on the machine for about an hour, and doing great when Valon came into the room.

"Are you on steroids again, Raffy?" The brunette asked, leaning against the doorway casually.

Raphael's eye twitched. He hated being called Raffy. It was a stupid, stupid name.

"No… And what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be being tortured by Dartz-sama?" He asked in annoyance.

"Nah, I finished my punishment. He just made me duel Alister wearing a pink tutu and makeup."

The Aussie shuddered before smiling sweetly at Raphael and skipping out of the room.

The blonde boy shrugged and continued his workout.

o0o

"Is he here yet?" Alister said, squirming uncomfortably in his plastic seat. Dartz-sama was really cheap. What kind of evil villian made his future warriors sit in hard plastic seats?

"He said two, though I'm not sure he can count." Raphael said, checking his watch impatiently. Suddenly, a loud VROOM! sounded in the distance. The two boys looked to where the sound had come from. Flying toward them was Valon, astride a yellow bike that he obviously painted himself, obvious due to the words 'Valon's Bike of Doom' that were written on the side. The Aussie was wearing a pair of goggles and _armor_. Raphael and Alister raised an eyebrow. The brunette raced toward a makeshift ramp and flew into the air. His bike about twenty feet below him. The boy landed on his face, sending up a little dust cloud. Raphael sweatdropped while Alister was shoving his fist into his mouth trying not to laugh at his comrade. Finally he gave up and collapsed off the hardass seat and onto the ground, clutching his stomach.

When Valon managed to finally peel himself off the ground, he glared at the red-haired buy before stomping off, leaving his mutilated bike behind.

o0o

Dartz was siting in his study, reading the book, Evil World Organisations for Dummies, when he heard a loud commotion outside. He growled angrily and looked out the window. Below him, Valon was flying toward a makeshift ramp. He flew high into the air, without his bike and landed on his face. Dartz winced in sympathy before frowning at the three idiots and going back to his book. Now, he needed a nice evil name… what to pick…

"YOU SHALL SUFFER ALISTER! GIVE ME BACK THE CAMERA! NO! DIE!" Several loud thumps could be heard outside Dartz' 'area of peace', followed by furious yowling and cursing. "I will kill both of you! I'll kill you with my evil brownie cake of DOOM!" Valon screamed, chasing his two comrades into the study.

The two laughed at the little brunette, and jumped out of the window. They forgot the study was like, forty feet off the ground. Valon looked outside, and after making sure that both of his comrads were thoroughly in pain, he laughed evilly and skipped out of the room, singing his own song, 'Doom to the traitors!' Dartz rolled his eyes, and went back to his book. Then something hit him… It was the neighbor lady's cat, but something other than the fur-covered bouncy-ball hit him. DOOM! It would be the perfect name for them!

"Yes! We shall be called DOOM! And we shall be unstoppable!" He shouted, jumping up and down all over his study. Yes, today was a good day. Alister lost half his hair and fell forty feet, Raphael fell forty feet and realised he was addicted to steroids, Valon had to duel Alister in a pink tutu and left a nice imprint of his face in his ramp, and he, Dartz, the soon to be six-time-winner of Mr. Diabolical-Evil-Genius award had come up with a new evil name. DOOM!

A/N: Sorry this is so short, but I wanted to finish this chapter sooner.

Dartz: I don't like that book. It had no good ideas whatsoever.

DAR: Well, it is a Dummies book so I can't blame you, but I mean, come on! Were you on drugs when you thought up of DOOM?

Dartz: NO! maybe

DAR: Do the disclaimer, since I forgot to put it at the beginning.

Dartz: No.

DAR: Don't make me eliminate you.

Dartz: DAR doesn't own me or my evil warriors, she doesn't own any part of Yu-Gi-Oh! And doesn't own the Dummies books either.

DAR: Now, tell the nice people to review!

Dartz: Review, or else I shall send your soul to feed the Great Beast!

DAR: Geez, why don't you just nuke 'em while you're at it?

Dartz: Good idea… Review! Or you shall suffer the wrath of a nuclear bomb!

DAR: Oh boy…


	3. And the Award goes to

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**Fightingcomet – **Finally! Someone updated! No, since you updated, I guess I won't nuke you… Yeah, Raffy's gonna get in trouble in the later chapters, so he might need the steroids to outrun his mortal enemy… (why am I telling you this? Read this story and you will find out!) Thanks for reviewing, and here, have a DOOM bishie of your choice.

**Chapter 3**

Valon and Alister squirmed in their seats, grumbling as Raphael combed their hair.

"Now remember you two, when they announce Dartz-sama as the winner, stand up, clap, and give him a big hug."

Alister, rolled his eyes, and turned around, making Raphael yank his hair really hard. Alister squaked."What if he doesn't win?" he asked, massaging his head gingerly.

The blond boy shrugged, continuing to comb the redhead's hair.

"Then hug him harder." He replied simply.

Valon tugged at his suit in disgust. He had snuck on his favorite pair of goggles, and had hidden them from Raphael in his wild hair. Both he and Alister had worn their favorite clothes under the suits, so that if any chaos and mayhem was to be caused, they would be the ones to do so. At that moment, Dartz waltzed into the room, his acceptance speech ready and wearing his 'evil skirt of doom' as Valon had taken to calling it.

Alister looked up, and his face twisted into a pout.

"Hey Raffy, why does Dartz-sama get to weat his favorite clothes, and we don't?"

Dartz looked like he was panicking, and ran out of the room, being chased by Raphael, the latter of the two yelling something about 'Embarrasing me in front of all the evil people.'

Valon shrugged, and began pulling a comb out of his hair. Alister began playing with his little dollies. Meanwhile…

Dartz was running across the lobby of the hotel that had been reserved for the ceremony. Chasing him was a muscular blonde boy who was holding a black suit.

"Dartz-sama! You will wear this suit and you will like it! You will not embarrass me here today!" They ran past Lord Voldemort who was busy telling Wormtail off for something or other, and Darth Vader, who was playing basketball with someone's head. Dartz finally lost Raphael and made his way back to the 'DOOM Room'

He leaned against the door, breathing heavily. Mayba he was getting old for this, perhaps a titanium hip might help, his old one was getting pretty…well old, he had been alive for almost ten thousand years. Ahhh, all those birthday presents… He looked up at the other boys, to see Valon passes out on the couch and Alister hiding under the bed, muttering something along the lines of, 'Barney's coming!' over and over.

Dartz shook his head miserably. Alright, no more special drinks for him when he needs to find warriors. He opened the mini-bar, not caring that half the liquor was gone, and helped himself to a Bloody Mary.

From the bed, Valon groaned, struggling to get up while clutching his head. Suddenly, the room door burst open and revealed a very tired, but truimphant-looking Raphael standing in the doorway. Valon moaned loudly and promptly passed out again.

o0o

Dartz crossed his arms and pouted. He had planned this day out to perfection, and what did he get?

He got forced into a suit instead of his favorite clothes, and was sitting with his young charges, one of whom was sleeping on the table, another looking around the room and muttering about Barney, and the third busy getting rid of his fifth Bloody Mary. Humph. Some night. He watched as the awards for best evil laugh, best evil come-back, best evil costume, and many others were given away. Finally!

The spokesperson for Evil People Inc., DAR walked up to the stage. She pulled out a small envelope from god-knows-where and opened it.

"And the award, for Diabolical-Evil-Genius-of-the-Year goes to… Darth Vader!"

"NOOO!" Dartz screamed, jumping up and running out of the room.

Raphael covered his face with his hand before grabbing his two comrads and chasing after their master. They did NOT need a repeat of the Christmas incident. (An evil, and slightly drunken plot by Dartz that envolved Robotic Santas and total control of the earth… don't ask.)

o0o

Dartz was found in the DOOM Room, sobbing hysterically into a pillow. Nearby, Raphael was sitting on a chair, valiums and puke-bucket in hand.

"Why? Why did they pick Vader!" Dartz cried for the umpteenth time. "He wasn't even originally evil! That's against the rules!"

Raphael patted his master's shoulder comfortingly, as Valon, who was finally coscious, srode in.

"Actually, he got bonus point for trying to kill his own son." He said, taking a swig of 'soda'. Dartz wailed louder and buried his face in the pillow, kicking his legs like a little kid in the middle of a tantrum.  
Raphael sighed sadly and went out to the vending machine. He thought he saw an extra pack of Advil's for sale there…

DAR: So, what do you think, Dartzy?

Dartz: Vader won over moi? Impossible!

DAR: He's cooler than you.

Dartz: Yeah, if you go for the tall dark and pasty.

DAR: Whatever.

Dartz: Review, and tell the evil Authoress that I should have won!

DAR: What he said. Oh, and I don't own Advil, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Barney, and my Robot Santa went nuts last Christmas and is somewhere in Greenland.

Dartz: I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won!

I should have won! I should have won! I should have won, dammit!

DAR: Well, you didn't, so go and have a valium!

Dartz: Fine.


	4. The Kitchen Incident

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**Reviews!**

Ladyvella42 – Ah well, yes, I have strange obsessions too. hehe, I'm getting help soon. JK. No, I don't watch Futurama, but I really did have a robot santa until it sort of disappeared. Yeah, I'm feeling slightly obsessed with Star Wars right now, should go away in a couple of weeks…the doctor says so… Poor Dartzy… 

**Komo Pineconeseed – **Really? Wow, no one has ever said that before! WEEE! You hear that Matt! There are people in the world who appreciate my talents! HA! Even though I'm like in middle school, throwing tantrums has never lost its appeal to me. Imagine a ten thousand year old guy with periwinkle hair do that.

Yeah, that's what I call humor.

**Fightingcomet – **Yay! You reviewed! He **should** consider consider show business, he's got such a nice evil laugh… nah, no advil, just some steroids, but that'll actually help him later on in the story…

And now, a word from Dartz….

Dartz: I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won!

I should have won! I should have won! I should have won! I should have won!

DAR: -.-U

* * *

Chapter 4 

Alister entered the kitchen his stomach growling hungrily. Strange, they hadn't had breakfast, lunch or dinner for nearly three days straight. The red-haired boy began to raid the fridge, finding only to his dismay a moldy orange, (probably as old as Dartz), half a can of mayo, spinach dip, a frozen bagel, and lettuce. He made a face and reached for the frozen bagel. Shudder shudder.

Suddenly, a certain blonde teen raced into the kitchen, being chased by a certain Aussie, who was holding a roll of duct tape and white-out. Alister dropped the rock/bagel and crawled into a cupboard, peeking out cautiously. Since there had been nothing to eat for days, Valon was getting madder and madder, until he decided to entertain himself and attempt to mummify his comrades with duct tape and paint on their faces in white-out. Why white-out? Because that was the only kind of paint they had. Valon cornered his victim in a… erm, corner, and began slapping tape all over him, while laughing like a maniac.

"HAHA! YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE THE POWERS OF DUCT TAPE, RAFFY! SURRENDER TO IT! SURRENDER! YOUR PRECIOUS GUARDIAN CARDS CANT SAVE YOU NOW!" He laughed, doing a disturbing victory dance. "You hear me!" he screamed into Raphael's ear, "They can't save you!" Suddenly, nearly transparent, appeared Guardian Iatos (A/N: Is that what it's called?) behind the brunette. The monster whacked the teen over the head with a nearby frying pan, but did not succeed, as Valon didn't even flinch. The creature looked at Raphael, shrugged and disappeared. Valon grinned at the blonde duelist and continued wrapping his comrade with enough duct tape to suffocate an elephant, all the while chantic weird spell he read in one of Dartz books.

Alister watched the barbaric ceremony grimly. Dartz was really starting to loose control. By the way, where was Dartz? They hadn't seem him for a while now…

Bored, he quietly slid out of the cupboard and crawled out of the kitchen in search of Dartz.

o0o

The household of DOOM was eerily quiet. Strange. No screams of torture, no explosions, no sounds of glass breaking, or someone riding their motorbike on the carpets. All was still. In the kitchen, a muscular blonde teen was mummified with duct tape, so that only his face showed. He was dozing on the floor, exhausted from struggling to free himself. In his own room, a small blue-eyed Aussie was snoring, clutching a porno magazine in one hand, and a fully loaded bazooka in the other. And in the living room, a redhead was lying asleep on the couch drooling on a pillow. (ew.) They were the only occupans of the house, as the "adult" was currently somewhere in Hawaii, defacing pictures of Darth Vader. But the three teens didn't know that yet.

The redhead was the first to wake up, and feeling slightly mischevious, he carefully crept to Valon's room, and taking a running start, pounced on top of the Australian, causing the latter to scream out, fling his magazine across the room, attack his assailant with a blind punch. Amazingly enough, it hit Alister square in the face. He cried out in fury and began punching the smaller boy into oblivion. The two tussled for a moment before a single shot rang through the house.

Valon and Alister both raised their heads and looked at the bullet-sized hole in the wall.

Oh. Holy. Shit. Dartz was going to kill them.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

(once again, I could stop here, but nah..)

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

The two boys were running all over the house, searching for something that would help then cover up the hole in Valon's wall.

"What if we try the library and see if there's a book there about fixing walls?" he asked, leaning against a wall. Valon shrugged. "Yeah, but most of the books are either Dummies books or stuff written in Atlantean." The two headed off to the library, shuddering. Urgh… books. Whe they entered, they saw such a horrible thing before them that it's too horrible to mention. Oh well, you're mature enough. They saw hundreds upon hundreds of books. Shuddering, the two split up, both searching for a book to help them cover up the bullet-hole. Suddenly, something occurred to Valon.

"Alister! We cant read remember?" He called out, looking at a book title in confusion. The redhaired boy poked his head out from behind a bookcase, panic etched all over his face.

"Oh no, Raffy is the only one that reads! " He exclaimed running out of the library.

o0o

Raphael was still rubbing his arms painfully as he looked through the bookshelves. Beside him, Valon rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Raffy, think positively! Now your arms and legs will be silky smooth for weeks to come!" Nearby, Alister giggled. "You sound like a commercial Vally!" He laughed, disturbing the Aussie effectively.

Raphael's eye twitched. Turning to the two younger boys growling menacingly.

"First, never call me Raffy again, second, that really hurt. I have very sensitive skin. Third, if you two don't stop acting like morons, there's no way in HELL that I will help you."

Valon grinned wickedly at the blond, crooning mockingly,

"Sorry, RAFFY, I didn't know you could swear."

Raphel's eye twitched again before launching himself at the annoying Aussie.

Alister just stood back and sweatdropped.

o0o

After the fistfight, (which, surprisingly enough, Valon won) Raphael loaded the two younger boys with books. He snickered as he watched the two of them struggle up a flight of stairs. The library only had two or so books on fxing things, but what fun would it be if they only had to carry two books? They deserved it, besides, they needed to train. Valon had absolutely no upper body strength whatsoever. Heh heh.

* * *

A/N: Wow, this was in interesting chapter. It's fun to mummify someone with duct tape! WEEEEE! Yeah, I'm done now. Please review… cuz you all know how much I love reviews! 

p.s. with finals coming up, my updates may get a little slower, but I'm not abandoning this story, so don't flame me!

DAR, signing off!


	5. Dun Dun Dun

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**Reviews!**

**IcicleMeltdown99 – **Yeah, that is a little weird, but I'm pretty sure Valon spent so much time in the juvinile detention centers and forgot how to read. And Alister… meh, I thought it was funny.

**Seething-Z – **Yeah, kinda remember reading that too, maybe my brain working over-time though, so… yeah. Stupid exams...

**Fightingcomet – **I hope so. He hehe, duct tape is sooooo much fun to play with. I do sometimes mumify people with it and its sooo funny to see them squirm.

**Ladyvella42 **– Yay1 Thanks for putting me up on your Story Alert! Anyway, here's the next chappie so enjoy!

Chapter 5

Raphael walked into the grocery store seething silently. Those… Those inconciderate idiots! As soon as they were bored annoying him and beating each-other up, they get hungry and send HIM to go and buy food. He growled angrily and grabbed a cart. They would pay DEARLY.

After his little anger moment, the blonde teen checked his list and walked down the aisle grabbing about four giant boxes of ramen noodles. He also grabbed some soda and a pack of candy, carefully staying away from the pixie sticks he walked to the checkout stand. (A/N: Is that what it's called? I forgot.)

The lady at the stand was looking at Raphael suspiciously, and when he reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, she screamed and started buzzing the securty button. Now, Raphael wasn't the brightest of people, (blame the steroids! Meh.) and he didn't realize that it was HIM she was reporting to security on. So running into the store were two fat guys named Joe and Carl. The two 'security guards' were running as fast as their legs could carry them, which wasn't very fast. In fact, Carl was still trying to finish his doughnut.

"Alright, stop right there punk!" Joe yelled at poor Raffy who was still very confused.

"I wasn't moving!" He exclaimed in outrage, hand still in his pocket.

Carl finally finished his doughnut and pointed his toy gun at the blonde. They didin't have any real guns because they weren't real policemen.

It suddenly dawned on Raphael and so he grabbed his cart and ran screaming out of the store. Joe looked at his reatreating form and shrugged. "Looks like we'll need back up." He said shuffling off to their cramped little office and started digging for the phone. Carl watched his partner closely. "Soooo, we're calling the cops, right?"

"That's right."

"Ah."

o0o

If he wasn't running as fast as humanly possible down the street, Raphael would have cried. All he wanted in life was to have a nice family live in a nice cozy house and have a nice happy life. Well, it just so happened that fates cruel and underhanded tactics had forced him to be living with a ten-thousand year old dude who wanted to destroy the world, along with two psycos who's favorite pastime was target-practice, with Raphael being the target. And he didn't live in a nice cozy house eiter. It just so happened that he lived in a freaking _mansion _that had narrow hallways and fuzzy torquoise carpet and white walls. His mother, who was an interior decorator would have cried of shame that her son lived in there.

He dodged through traffic, until he finally made his way back to the mansion, food still intact and breathing heavily. Ohhh, those brats would pay! Just then, Valon and Alister walked out of the house, smiling at him sweetly.

Raphael growled angrily and shoved past them. "I'll be in the gym." He said, walking off to the erm… the gym. Yeah. The two younger boys shrugged and attacked the boxes of ramen noodles hungrily.

Valon and Alister were sitting outside when the sound of police sirens interupted their naps. (A/N: Authoress screams 'kawaii' and runs off to find more sugar.) Valon was the first to wake up and promptly screamed,

"I was framed mate! Raffy's the guy you're lookin' fer!"

Alister rolled his eyes at his comrades antics and went to see why the police were at the door. When he opened the door, he saw several cops standing around the door and one immediately shoved a picture of Raphael into his face.

Excuse me young man, do you this boy?"

Alister nearly fell back, "Yeah, that's Raffy. Why?" The cops started swarming the house.

Valon walked into the entrance hall, wondering what was going on when the cop saw hi.

"Hey! I know you! You're that kid that stole a motorbike from the store!" Valon's eyes widened and he ran away, followed by several cops, all yelling, "Get back here!"

Alister snorted. As if _that_ would stop Valon.

When the cops finally finished restraining Valon, they had confiscated a whole bag of steroids under Raphael's bed, a bazooka and ammunition under Valon's bed, along with the stolen bike (found totaled in the shed with the words 'Valon's Bike of Doom" painted on) and several assassination plans for the Kaibas under Alister's pillow. Also were found several dozen rolls of duct tape. The three boys watched sadly as their 'toys' were taken away.

Meanwhile…

Dartz was currently rubbing some sun-block on his nose, getting ready to go outside when his room phone rang.

"Hello?" He asked into the mouthpiece.

He immediately recognised Alister's voice. "Hello, Master Dartz, ummm, could you please come back?" The boy's voice sounded almost pleading.

"No, I like it here thank you very much, Alister. Besides, why?"

"Ummmm…"

Suddenly a scream was heard all over the islands of Hawaii.

"YOU IDIOTS ARE IN JAIL?"

A/N: Well, not much to say…

Once again, my updates may get a little slower, but only because of finals… I'll start writing more after school lets out.

Countdown until the end of school... 17 days!

Many thanks to all who reviewed and the first person to review, I'll dedicate the next chappie to you.

DAR


	6. Of Spiders, Hugs, and PBJ

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**Reviews!**

**ladyvella42 – **Thanks! I'm almost done with them, just got to finish Algebra and English, so I'm almost done! Anyway, here is the next chappie! Enjoy!

**Rox n' Sox** – naaaaah I'm not THAT mean! Though I think that someone did try and do that to Valon, seriously how did he get his hair like that?

**HikariYamiSumi – **Yeah, my English teacher says I have the best grammar in my class. Thanks for calling my story insanely funny! Thank you!

**Miraicat – **Thanks!

Author's Note: This chappie is dedicated to ladyvella42 for being the first to update and she now gets a DOOM plushie! YAY!

(throws DOOM plushies and candy around randomly)

Chapter 6 

Dartz marched his young charges back home, yelling at them the whole way.

"I can't believe the three of you! I've hardly been gone for four days and you already shot a hole in a wall, stole from a grocery store, hid illegal drugs, and got ARRESTED! I don't belive this! How can you get caught by two-bit cops who run around with doughnuts hanging out of their mouths! HOW?"

The three boys sat behind their adoptive father who was still ranting and cursing. They were all staring down at the floor sadly. When they finally pulled up at their mansion, Dartz swept to the front door dramatically, weird costume billowing. He opened the double doors, then whirled around at the three boys.

"Somewhere along the line, I failed with you." He said, before slamming the door shut in their faces.

Raphael started crying, Alister started trying to get his hearing back, and Valon pulled out a gameboy and started playing Mario on it. The two looked at the small Aussie strangely.

"What?" He said, looking innocently at the other two. "I'm bored."

Alister looked at his bedroom window in determination. He had to get back in. It wasn't because it was two in the morning and he wanted to sleep in his nice warm bed, nor was it because his favorite blankie was still in his closet, it was because his evil plans of assassinating the Kaibas were still in his room! Next to him, Valon looked up at the complicated web of ropes and pulleys that Alister somehow managed to find.

"I'll go call 911, Alister." He said before shuffling off. The red head grabbed on to a nearby rope and began to climb up. He had to rescue his precious plans, no matter what!

…

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…

…

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Valon and Raphael were staring up at Alister, who was in a very uncomfortable position, hanging twenty feet or so from the ground. The red haired boy was screaming his lungs off, "Raphael, get your big and heavy ass up here and get me down!"

Down on the ground, meaning not hog-tied in the air, Raphael sniffed indignantly at his comrade, turning away as if he was insulted.

"I'll have you know, Alister, that my buttocks are in perfect proportion to the rest of my sexy hot body." Next to him, Valon choked on his own spit, and fell to the ground hacking. Alister let out several foul curses, his eyes shining with fury and his face pink with humiliation.

Raphael raised his eyebrow. "Wow, you're good at this. The part about being an old baboon's ass was a nice touch."

Alister growled angrily and struggled harder against his bonds. Suddenly, the old rope snapped and the red-haired boy fell down on the ground landing painfully on his butt.

"SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled angrily.

Dartz woke up to someone screaming incoherently. Rolling his eyes he went over to his window and looked outside. His whole back yard was covered in an intricate web of ropes, and down on the ground was a hacking Valon, an amused Raphael, and a furious Alister. The red-head was the one doing the screaming.

Dartz ducked as the neighbor lady flung her cat at him.

"Why do you have all those ropes in your yard Mr. Smartz?" The senile old lady called in that sickening old lady voice.

Dartz growled angrily. "It's DARTZ! Get it right already! And I… uh… I'm a spider person (1)."

"Oh, Okay." She said before going back to bed.

Dartz made his way down stairs. When he opened the door he saw Alister and the other two boys rushing toward him.

"Aww, I missed you too boys!" He cried, catching them all in a big bear-hug. He didn't understand why Alister was still struggling.

"Um… Master Dartzy sir?" Valon whispered urgently, "I…can't…breathe…!"

Dartz immediately let go, looking sheepish. As soon as he was free, Alister tore up the stairs as if he had a rabid squirrel behind him.

Raphael suddenly screamed, "My cards!" and ran off to his room. Flinging his door open he found his cards and held them tightly to his chest, cooing, "I'll never leave you at home again! Never! Never! I'll take you with me everywhere I go!"

Dartz shrugged and started hugging Valon. "Let's never fight again!" He squealed then dragged the other two boys out of their rooms and to the kitchen to make them 'Welcome back, I'm sorry I kicked you out' peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.

Valon smiled, taking another bite out of his (uncrusted) sandwich. Everything was back to normal.

Suddenly a crash along with monkey-like screams sounded upstairs.

Yes, everything was back to normal.

A/N: Well? What did ya'll think? A little short, but at least I updated, right?

Anyway…

(1) – I actually did that some time ago, and succeeded in disturbing my neighbors. BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I think I'm running low on sugar, because I'm running out of ideas, so please review and send comments and suggestions!

Dartz: Review! Review! Or else fear the wrath of my evil army of fuzzy pink plushies! BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

DAR: Yeah, Dartz, let's just scare the readers into oblivion!

Dartz: YAY-SIES!

DAR: Oh. My. God.

REVIEW! REVIEW!


	7. Dartz looses it again

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**Alucardlordofvampires – **Thanks, and since you reviewed, I guess I wont send the plushies after you…

**dragon shadow – **Thank you for the good review, I do try.

**fightingcomet** – Yeah, but he is a little insane so I thought that it was in context. And he does have money, or else they would have reposessed his house.

**Ladyvella42 – **Uh, okay… actually that's a good idea! I used the second one, I'll use the other one later on in this story! Thanks for the ideas!

**HikariYamiSumi** - Thank you. Dartz should be a 'something' person and since I was randomly thinking of spiders that's what it is.

Chapter 7 

"What!"

The three boys stared at their adoptive father in shock. He has finally gone insane.

"Since the four of us should really spend some quality time together, I've decided that we should go camping! It'll be SO much fun! We could go hiking, and go swimming, and tell campfire-stories and roast marshmellows… It'll be an adventure!" Dartz said happily, before walking off to his office. Valon, Alister and Raphael watched as he disappeared down the hall before breaking into nervous chatter.

"What if he really wants to go through with this?" Alister asked, wringing his hands anxiously. Valon shook his head, a determined look in his eyes.

"We'll have to make his so mad at us that he'll come back to his normal self." He said. Raphael rolled his eyes, smirking slightly, "While you idiots are standing around thinking of ways to make Dartz-sama punish us, I'm gonna go and break my leg so I don't have to go." With that he went to his room to plan, leaving Valon and Alister in the hall. The two boys in question immediatelybegan making plans.

"Okay, we need duct tape, really sticky maple syrup, glitter, and vegetable oil." Valon said, taking out a pencil and a pad of paper from god knows where and shoving them into Alister's hands who started writing in bad messy lettering the ingredients of chaos. He growled when he couldn't write a G.

"Ooh! Ooh! Don't forget brownies and cookies!" Valon said jumping up and down like a hyper little kid. Alister looked at the Aussie like he had just lost his mind.

"Why the hell would we need brownies and cookies?" He asked incrediously. Valon shrugged. "I dunno, I was hungry." Alister rolled his eyes, but still added brownies and cookies to their list of doom. He looked at the list again and frowned.

"Hey Valon? What's the glitter for?" He asked, windering if he really wanted to know.

The brunette rolled his eyes. "Because it'll take forever to get out of his hair! Duh!"

Alister frowned again, "What about the vegetable oil?"

Valon rolled his eyes again. "Wow, Alister, you've lived a sheltered life."

The redhead shrugged carelessly. Valon growled. "Since ya pansy wont do nothin' until I explain everythin' to you… maple syrup: ruin his hair and make it sticky. Glitter: 'cause it'll get stuck in his hair and will take forever to get out. Duct Tape: mummifying purposes. Vegetable Oil: because it's slimy and disgusting.  
There! You happy!"  
Alister slowly nodded his head looking slightly disturbed. What kind of juvinile detention centers had Valon been staying at exactly?

The two split up to find the necessary materials, and to set up their trap. When they would be done, Dartzy would be so mad at them that camping would be out of the question.  
They looked at their trap with great pride. A bucket filled to the brim with maple syrup was suspended high above them, while an intricate system of ropes held a pillowcase filled with glitter and feathers, ready to fall at any moment, while a bucket of vegetable oil was carefully hidden until it was ready to be used.  
Dartz' footsteps were heard and the two troble-makers hid, watching as their target walked right into their trap.  
When he tripped the wire, Dartz was in a perfectly happy mood, then the syrup came, it splashed all over his hair and was then followed by a shower of multi-coloured feathers and glitter. That being their clue, Valon spilled the bucket of oil and took off running down the hall. Dartz' furious screams were heard through out the mansion as he slipped and slid all over his floors on the oil. His trip was stopped abruptly when he slid right into a closed door.

* * *

When Dartz woke up, he found himself on the floor, staring at the ceiling. 'Hm,' he thought to himself, 'I should have Alister clean the cieling again, there's chocolate on it.' Suddenly, he felt a rather unpleasant sticky sensation on his back and his head. Getting up, he saw a long trail of slime leading down the hall. Growling, he slid awkwardly to a nearby mirror and looked at himself. What he saw could be classified as a rainbow-coloured, sparkly turkey. And his hair! His beautiful periwinkle hair! Sob! It would never be the same again!  
A scream rang through the mansion as Dartz passed out again.

* * *

A/N Sorry this chappie took so long, but I was kinda busy. This, I have to say was a funny chapter, huh?

….

….

….

….

….

….

Well I think it is!

Admit it , you though so too. And it only took about two days to write. Once again all comments and suggestions are welcome! Anyway, I'll dedicate the next chappie to the first person to review and I'll give them a basket of brownies that I made in Home-Ec!

Actually, that might not be a good thing…. Hehe!

Anyway….

Dartz – My poor hair! My poor beautiful hair!

DAR – Oh shut up.

Dartz – You shut, you have ugly black hair, my hair is pretty and is periwinkle! Periwinkle! Dammit!

DAR – Oh. My. God. (walks away shaking her head)

Dartz – That's it! Run away!

DAR – Please excuse psyco over there, and review.

Dartz – Hey! Who are you callin' psyco!

DAR – Bye! (runs away)

Review! Review! Review!

dark-angel-rising

DAR


	8. The Horrors of Camping

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**Alucardlordofvampires** – Thank you! All will be revealed in this chapter… Well not all, but most of it… 

**ladyvella42 – **Wow, high praise, The Simpsons is hilarious. Yeah, sorry it was short though, I had like five minutes to finish the chapter and upload it, plus my computer is being bitchy. But this one will be longer. Promise.

**fightingcomet – **Dartz uses Garnier Fructis, in case you want to know, and yeah, all that crap will come out. Eventually…

**dragonshadow – **(bows) Thank you! Thank you very much!

**Author – **Why thank you. I love it when people call me a genius. Hehe. Really, is it as funny as Bakura's The Great's Journal? Wow, must be really good, I loved that story!

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to Alucardlordofvampires for reviewing first. WEEE! You get these brownies I bought from a store! (Mainly because I really don't want to murder you with mine.) These are still very good!**

* * *

By the way, sorry for the long wait, my muses went on vacation.  
Shah: That's not true! She was torturing us for information about the Order of The Phoenix!  
DAR: Umm, wrong story.  
Shah: Whatever.  
Sorin: She locked me up in her basement so I cant try and escape agai-."  
DAR: he-he, well uh, just read the story now…  
snap-  
DAR: Owww! Sorin you bitch! You bit me!  
Sorin: oops.  
DAR: GRRRR! READ!

**Chapter 8**

Valon and Alister sat beside a roaring campfire, both staring at their feet angrily. Across from them, Raphael sat on his log, a cast on his right leg.  
Alright, so their plans backfired. Raphael still had to hike and Dartz all but pushed him into the lake, actually it was more like Raphael 'accidentally' tripped while hobbling along the shore. Valon and Alister got in a lot of trouble and their punishment was not just coming, but they had to read _Hamlet_ with Dartz when they got back. Alister had half-a-mind to run away to Mexico, color his hair blue and change his name to Joey Matteoni. But only half-a-mind, blue was never his color.

Valon looked at the pile of s'mores by Dartz' side longingly. "Dartzy-sir, can I please have just one s'more?" He asked making cute puppy-eyes.

Dartz smiled sweetly and took one from his pile. Then stuffed it in his mouth.

"No."

"Awww, crap." Valon really didn't try and argue because he was in enough pain. Never, ever, ever,… EVER say that Dartz is just a psychopath. He isn't just a psychopath, he's the big daddy of all the psychopaths! He makes people read Shaekespere (A/N: I killed it didn't I?) as punishment. That's plain sadistic.

"Hey, Raphael, go get some more firewood." Dartz said, poking a dozing Raphael with a stick. The tall blonde was about to protest when he realised it was hopeless and hobbled into the forest, looking awkward on crutches.

Dartz yawned widely and stretched, before shuffling to his tent, carrying his collection of s'mores with him. Valon watched him take the treats away, his eyes filled with longing. Alister rolled his eyes, and dragged the little brunette to the tent that all three of them had to share. He shuddered. It couldn't get any worse. Valon snored, and Raphael giggled in his sleep. He wished he was home, scrubbing floors with a toothbrush, and being forced to scrape chocolate and dried apple sauce off the cieling.

Just as then, a tired and very worn out looking Raphael came into their clearing, carrying a pile of firewood while supporting himself on his crutches. He looked around the empty clearing with frustiration.

"Don't tell me that I had to maim that lost kid out there for the firewood so you three could go to sleep. He threw the wood down onto the ground and dragged a sleepy Alister and Valon out of their tent before grabbing Dartz. The evil periwinkle-haired man was currently rolling his hair into curlers and putting on over-night cream and cucumbers. Raphael screamed at the sight of his master and hid in his tent. Alister and Valon traded confused looks, shrugged, and went back to bed, ignoring Raphael who was muttering, "It was horrible, absolutely horrible."

* * *

Valon woke up the next morning to loud clanging and metal. Groaning, he untangled himself from a sleeping Alister, who seemed to think that Valon was a plushie. He crawled out of the tent and saw Dartz desperately trying to make coffee. He was failing spectacularly too.  
"Dammit, Valon! Help me over here!" Dartz snapped, turning his frustiration to the still sleepy Aussie. "Here, how do I make coffee? Where is Mr. Joe?"  
Valon decided against questioning Dartz name for the coffee-machine and started making coffee while Dartz tried to make breakfast. He finally gave up and dragged a half-asleep Alister out to make the food. The two boys watched as Dartz strained to pull Raphael out of the tent. The blonde was putting up quite a fight, seeing as he was still asleep. He grabbed on to the tent post mumbling, "Five more minush, mommy…" 

Dartz nearly screamed with anger at the boy's words and stalked off somewhere, probably to find more hoboes to steal liquor from.

* * *

"Come on, boys, we're almost to the top!" Dartz exclaimed happily, running up the steep path.

"Er, Master Dartz sir, how many more miles do we have to go?" Alister asked, panting heavily. Next to him Valon leaned against the big stick he had found. Dartz smiled, "Only fourteen more miles boys! Soon we will stand on top of Mt. Daisy!"  
Alister groaned, his entire body aching.  
Dartz frowned at the weary boys. "Look alive, Alister!" He snapped at the redhead. "Think that every drop of sweat you shed will hurt the Kaiba's."  
Alister straightened up for a moment, adetermined glint coming to his eyebefore trudging over to the side of the trail and sitting down. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone." He said, before laying down in he shade. Dartz glared daggers at the insolent boy before turning to the other two. "Either one of you care to join him?" He asked dangerously, his eyes flashing.  
Valon perked up immediately. "Oooh, don't mind if I do." He quickly moved over to the shade and too, followd by a crippled Raphael. Dartz snarled in fury.  
"Fine! I will go by myself and reap the benefits of this exersize." With that he turned around and stalked up the trail, not looking that intimidating, as his 'I Love Lucy' underpants were showing, and his shirt read, 'Give A Hoot About Pollution.' Along with a bad picture of an owl. The three boys sighed contentedly, happy to actually rest for the first time that day. In fact, they were so absorbed in their relaxation, they didn't see the storm clouds moving in…

Dartz was still seething and cursing under his breath when he finally arrived to the peak of Mt. Daisy. He smiled and took a picture of the beautiful view. He was about to sit down and reflect when a drop of water hit him on the nose.

Moments later…

Dartz snarled once again, watching as it poured outside. His hair was going to be ruined. Again. He wondered what the boys were doing now. He snorted. They probably locked themselves up in the car and are watching DVD's. He really regreted getting all those special features, now he couldn't drag them out of the car.

Well actually…

"Guys," Alister said slowly, "don't move."  
Valon, Alister, and Raphael huddled together, staring at the mountain lion in front of them. The big cat roared at the three boys angrily, shoing them its sharp white teeth.

* * *

A/N Ohhhh, a cliffie! The first one for this story! Yay! So, what's gonna happen next?  
Will Dartz make it back to save his hair?  
Will the boys survive to make fun of him again?  
Will I ever stop talking in questions?  
I guess we'll never know unless you REVIEW! 

Dartz: You heard the lady! Review!  
DAR: Yah!

Peace out,

DAR


	9. Oh Well

Family 

**By dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**ladyvella42 – **wow, are you okay? Hehe, glad you liked it so much, enjoy this chappie and tell me what ya think!

Chapter 9 

"Hey guys," Valon asked, watching the mountain lion warily. "What are we gonna do now?" Next to him, Alister shrugged.  
"I think we should sacrifice Raffy to the kitty so we can get on our merry way." Raphael looked hurt. "I though you guys liked me!" He whined, his leg hurting A LOT due to the moisture in the air.Valon rolled his eyes. Raphael was definetly the oldest, but when he wanted to, he could be a bigger baby than both he and Alister put together. A certain Christmas incident came to mind. (Raffy didn't get the present he wanted, messy experience for all those involved.)  
"I agree with Allie, here," Valon said, trying not to move as the lion looked lke it was getting impatient. "you'd slow us down anyway with your stupid crutches."  
"What crutches?" Raphael asked, carefully hiding his crutches behind his back.  
Alister rolled his eyes. "The ones behind your back, you stupid moron." Raphael sniffed indignantly and went back to pouting. Valon was now watching the mountain lion with mild interest. "Fluffy is getting really bored." He commented, and just to prove the little brunette's point, the big cat yawned widely. Alister stared at the back of Valon's head, dumbstruck. "You named it?" He whispered disbelievingly. The Aussie nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, if she's gonna eat us, she should at least have a name." Raphael shook his head in confusion. "I see no logic in this."  
Valon snorted. "Oh course not, you have the mental capacity of a two year old child." He smiled smugly. "I'm usin' big words!" He gave a little jump/wiggle. In fact if Fluffy hadn't been there, threatening their lives, then he would have danced a little jig.  
The mountain lion watched the three arguing boys with amusement. They were quite refreshing. Most people she attacked screamed and ran away, but these boys actually gave he a name. Well, she already had one, but 'Hairball' was not a name she liked very much. Fluffy was much better.

* * *

"I am not sacrificing myself to the mountail lion, Valon."Raphael snapped for the umpteenth time. "Get it through your thick skull." Valon pouted and started flicking random stuff at Raphael to piss him off. It was working rather well.  
"Will you stop!" The tall blonde hissed, annoyed.

Valon looked up with cute big innocent eyes. "Stop what?"

"What you're doing."

The Aussie looked confused. "What am I doing? I'm not doing anything." And just to press it a little more, he flicked a pebble at Raphael that hit the tall crippled blonde in the head.

Alister was playing with his action figures, while thinking up ways to kill the Kaiba's. 'Maybe I could trick them all into coming to this building, then fill it with poison gas?' He thought feverently. 'Nah, that's over-used. I need something new…' 'Oooh, what if I dress up like the Kaiba's worst enemy, threaten to take over their company and when they come to stop me, force them into a duel and steal their souls. Oh yeah, that's a definite keeper. Now where did I put that notebook?' He started rummaging through his backpack, pushing aside the box of poptarts, a knife, and some plushies. 'Aren't these Dartz'?' Finally he found his notebook and wrote down his plan, giggling madly to himself.

Valon and Raphael both looked at their comrade curiously but decided that it was better not to ask. The mountail lion, now dubbed Fluffy was very bored now, and growled at the boys. Couldn't they just pick one of them to be eaten, or did this require a UN meeting? Seriously.

* * *

Valon was getting very impatient. He really had to go to the bathroom, but being cornered by a mountain lion is not the time to be wanting to go take a dump. He gave a whimper and squeezed his legs together, hoping that Fluffy would fall asleep or just leave. No such luck.  
He started doing a little dance, not caring that he probably looked like an idiot. Finally, he decided he couldn't hold it any longer. He made a mad dash up the trail, but was soon stopped by Fluffy. The big cat growled and waas about to take a chunk out of him when it's nose started twitching and Fluffly ran off, howling in pain. Alister and Raphael rushed up to Valon who was dusting himself off as if nothing had happened.  
"What did you do?" Alister asked, incrediously. Valon merely smiled, "I knew that refusing to take showers for two months would be worth it." The two other boys grimmaced, Raphael covering his nose with his hand. They three boys set off on the trail, wondering where Dartz was…

Meanwhile……..

Dartz trudged down the trail, tired, and his hair in an afro from all the rain. He passed the place where he had left the boys and caught a putrid smell. He coughed. It had to Valon. No one else could smell so bad. He continued down the trail, until he finally came to their camp. He saw that all three of the boys were locked up inside the SUV, watching a DVD while eating his s'mores. He would have yelled at them, but he was too tired, and the whole matter of his hair…

* * *

The next day, Dartz had officially assigned Valon to making coffee, Alister to making breakfast, and Raphael to getting firewood. He decided that they should go swimming that day, as it was sweltering hot, and bright and sunny compared to yesterday. He smiled semi-evilly. Ahhh yes… the perfect day for swimming.  
Valon looked at the water apprehensively. He lowered his toe into the water and as a terrible cold sensation traveled through him, he yelped and jumped back, wrapping himself up in the beach towels. From the water, Alister rolled his eyes and splashed around.  
"Come on you wuss! It'll get warmer when you're in here for a little while." He guestured at himself. On the shore, Valon shook his head 'no' very fast. Alister rolled his eyes. Valon was such a baby. He looked around the lake. Their little group were the only ones there, and Dartz was sitting on the little dock, trying to get a tan, Raffy was racing himself around the lake on his crutches, and Valon, ofcourse, was acting like an over-grown baby. Alister rolled his eyes. And Valon called _him_ a pansy.  
Dartz suddenly jerked up, sniffing the air suspiciously. "Do you boys smell that?" He asked. Raphael blushed hiding his face. "Sorry, Dartz-sama… wont happen again."  
Valon made a face. "Gross Raffy!"  
Dartz shook his head. "I smells like… smoke…"

* * *

"Oh. Crap."  
Raphael looked over at Master Dartz. 'Wow,' he thought, 'Master Dartz is actually upset at something other than us.'  
"Valon, why did you leave the campfire on?" Dartz asked, turning to the blue eyed brunette angrily. 'Never mind.'  
Valon refused to reply. They watched as the fire began to destroy their campsite. Wait, why were they standing around?  
"Come on you three, hurry up!" Dartz yelled, loading the last of their stuff in the car. They drove away as the fire consumed their campsite. Oh well.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know, I rushed the ending, but I reeeeealy want to get this chapter up.

So…

Uh, review,

or I'll send the bunnies of doom after you!

Hey! That rhymed!

DAR


	10. The Rabid Girls of Troop 12

**Family**

**By dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**ladyvella42 - **Thank you, I live to update!

**animefan:)** – Thanks, I dont know, maybe Kaiba will make a short appearance, but probably not, this story is about the Doomies growin' up, but still, I'll think about it.

**dragon shadow** – Well actually they went home because the whole trip was a disaster, but I can see that too, and it's funny!

**Alucardlordofvampires** – Dartz doesn't do fires, he does world distruction. Ya want the fire, go ask Alister or Valon. Hehe.

**random critic – **Thanks.

**Tk Macintosh** – Noo! Not the puppy eyes of doom! Well, actually, I'm immune, but since you asked nicely… here ya go.

**fightingcomet** – Here's the next chappie, Dartz lost the afro, but I might bring it back later.

**Yoshimi Jaganshi **– yeah, that's right, poor wittle raffy. Hehe.

* * *

Hehe, well, anyway, wow, this is the 10th chappie, never thought you'd see it huh? Go on! READ!

Please?

**Chapter 10 of Family **

* * *

Dartz was sitting in his high-backed chair, making plans of taking over the world when suddenly, the doorbell rang.  
"Alister!" He yelled over the intercom, "Get the door!" He went back to his plans of world domination and enslavement when the doorbell rang again.  
Rolling his eyes at the boys' laziness and incompetence, he got up and stalked toward the front door, flinging open. Standing in front of him was a little girl wearing the most ridiculous uniform he had ever seen. She smiled sweetly at him, making him cringe.  
"Hello, sir, my name is Molly, would you like some Girl Scout cookies?"  
"Er, hang on, let me ask." He said and slammed the door in her face.

"Valon! There's an evil little girl at the door, where's your bazooka?" He yelled at the top of his lungs up the stairs. Valon wobbled down the stairs holding his head. "The cops took the bazooka just use the pistol in your desk." He mumbled before going to the kitchen. Dartz pouted.  
"But that's just for shooting at squirrels and you three!"  
Finally, he shrugged and opened the door again. The girl was still there, smiling at him sickeningly.

"No we don't want your poisoned cookies." He snapped. The girl kept smiling.  
"Granny says you love cookies, Mr. Smartz." Realization hit Dartz like the neighbor-lady's cat. He growled angrily, pulling the annoying feline out of his hair.  
"First of all, we don't want cookies, second, my name is DARTZ! What is so damn hard about that! And lastly, tell your grandmother that if she throws her cat here one more time, she'll find it the next morning on a spike!"  
The girl smile was replaced by a scowl.  
"Look, _Dartz_, all I want to do is sell these damn fattening cookies. So what you're gonna do is you're gonna buy three boxes of thin mints and you're going to like them." Dartz rolled his eyes. "Do you honestly think that I'd be afraid of a little _girl_?"  
Molly grinned evilly, "One little girl, no. A dozen, yes."

Just as she said that, eleven other girls appeared from thin air. They were all wearing the same uniform and all of them were armed with boxes and boxes of cookies. His eyes widened in fear and he took off screaming down the long halls, the Girlscouts chasing after him, throwing their evil boxes of eviller cookies at him. Dartz was getting really tired now, so he decided to get rid of them his evil way. He reached into his pocked and pulled out his Seal of Orichalcos card. The sacred seal appeared, surrounding the girls. Dartz laughed evilly as the boxes couldn't penetrate the Seal. But, being the paranoid psycho that he was, he added two more Seals. The girls were furious and started throwing their pins and badges at him.  
"Great Leviathan, I sacrefice these souls to you!" Dartz cried out, raising his hands. A thunderous voice replied, "Aw, but I don't want these! Ya know how picky I am!"  
Dartz scowled.  
"Do you want to get reborn or not! Now start feeding, you stupid snake!"

"That is not the proper way to talk to your elders, Dartz! You'd better watch your mouth, I know your real name!"  
Dartz screamed hysterically and hid behind a statue. Leviathan laughed like a maniac. Soon, the Seal disappeared and there was no sign that any girl scouts were there. Dartz smiled, dusted his hands off, and left the room. As he was walking back to his office, he came across a dizzy Valon and Alister, Raphael was passed out on the floor, mumbling something along the lines of, "I don' wanna go ta school, I wanna saty 'ere and bake cook-kies."  
"What are you three doing?" He asked Alister. "I was being attacked by evil rabid girl scouts and no one helped me!"  
Alister winced and rubbed his head. "We wanted to see who's head was the hardest. I totally won." With that, he collapsed on the ground

Dartz stormed away, cursing under his breath in Atlantian.

One week later…

Dartz and his three future-warriors were sitting on the couch, watching TV, when the news came on.  
"Urgh, boring, someone change the channel." Valon said. Dartz was about to when he saw a picture of the girls that Leviathan had eaten.  
"Missing for about a week now is Girl Scout troop 12." The reporter said. "Molly Fletcher, Cassie Wilmes – "  
Dartz immediately turned off the TV, grinning sheepishly.

* * *

A/N I'm sorry, I hated this chapter. I killed the story didn't I?  
About the sacrefice, I know that the body of the person remains, but let's just say that Leviathan ate that too. If you have family who is a girl scout, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna make fun of them anyway. If you know someone who's name is Molly Fletcher or Cassie Wilmes, uh they weren't sacreficed to the Great Leviathan… uh, yeah.

Anyway, uh review, I guess.

Oh, and once again, **I'M SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKED!**

Yeah.

Peace out,

DAR


	11. Cooking Class

**Family**

**by dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**ladyvella42 – **Really? It didn't suck? Ohh thank you! No seriously, that made me feel so much better. You're right, girl scouts are annoying and are over-achievers. Here's the next chappie! Enjoy!

**Tk Macintosh **– Ohhhhh Thank you! I love it when people put me on their favorites list or on story alert. Makes me feel loved. !

**Alucardlordofvampires** – Ohh, I get it, hehe. I don't know I just didn't like it very much, meh, I am a perfectionist… sort of…

**drgn prncss – **Never! I'll never tell anyone Dartz' real name! Hehe… maybe later.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 12 of Family**

Dartz was dying of boredom. He spun in his uh, spinny chair trying to get his brain to work. Finally he got up and looked out the window, amusing himself with watching Valon and Alister chase after the mailman, throwing ice cubes at the poor terrified guy. The guy, who shall be called from now on known as Mail Dude tripped and fell, his mail bag spilling all over the sidewalk. Dartz snorted indelicately, as he watched Raphael chase after the two boys swinging a jumbo-sized frying pan. After the three disappeared from view, Mail Dude stopped playing dead, gathered up his mail, and went back to his route, though he seemed to flinch at every loud sound and quick movement.  
Dartz made his way down to the mail box and after throwing away all the bills, he came back to his terribly decorated office and started looking through a summer magazine on family recreation.  
His eye fell on a cooking class advertisement.

**Tired of cooking gloop?  
**He read, getting more and more exited.  
**Sick of ordering out?  
Then take our cooking class! Get ready to impress your friends and family by learning to prepare scrumptious and nutritious meals all the time.  
Any age, totally free, from four to six on Wednesdays at 5640 Wolram Rd. Why don't you and your family join us?**  
Dartz smiled, ripping out the ad.  
"BOYS! OFFICE! NOW!" He screamed over his mega-phone which he used especially for finding the three idiots. Barely ten minutes later, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest were standing in his office, looking at him anxiously.  
"Master Dartz, sir?" Raphael said, looking at Dartz nervously. "Is something wrong?"  
"Yes, Raphael, something is wrong. You boys are not getting the right amount of exersize and activity in you lives –" Valon interrupted.  
"We just went and terrorized a mailman and three little kids. We get plenty of exersize." He was about to go on, but was stopped by Dartz' evil glare of doom.  
"As I was saying, those are very destructive activities and you need more direction and so, I've decided to sign you three up to a cooking class." An explosive  
"WHAT?" thundered though the house, making it shudder on it's foundation. 

"I signed you up for a cooking class. Don't worry, you'll have lots of fun."  
He smiled at the three boys. Raphael was ashen-faced, Alister was shaking violently, and Valon was sobbing on the floor, curled up in a fetal position.  
"Why! Why Dartzy? What did I ever do to you?" He sobbed over and over again. Dartz rolled his eyes.  
"You're going to that class and that's final!"

* * *

Dartz and Raphael dragged a kicking and screaming Valon to the car. Alister was already sitting there, sulking quietly. Valon was going as far as trying to bite his captor's hands.  
"You're going to pay for this Raphael! You bloody hear me? You'll regret this for the rest of your life! Do you hear me!" He screamed over and over. Raphael shuddered violently and immediately let go, jumping in the car and cowering next to a silent Alister. Even with out Raphael's help, and despite his **old** age, Dartz succeeded, and managed to drag Valon into the car and slammed the door shut. He also somehow, managed to drive all the way across town without needing to go to a car mechanic or the emergency room. A personal success.

Valon glared darkly at the seemingly innocent looking building. He knew better. A horrible terrifying evil was in there. Cooking class. He had spent the entire ride over flinging himself at the sides of the car, kind of like a mad bull. Finally, he was led in to the classroom, along with his companions all three of them seething angrily. Dartz flung the door open dramatically, revealing the students and instructors chopping chicken, preparing it for grilling (1) and one lady in the back who's skillet was sprouting a column of fire. The three boys immediately cheered up. Maybe this wasn't so bad…

* * *

After half an hour, it was obvious that Alister, Raphael and Valon were enjoying themselves. Valon especially liked the part when he got to chop the turkey apart, sending blood everywhere.  
Dartz stood in the corner, watching the boys happily. 'They're having so much fun!' He thought placing a hand over his heart. 'And they're really hacking away at that porkchop, not at the neighbor's dog! I never thought I'd see the day!'  
Alister looked over at Dartz, smiled and waved before goin back to chopping up vegetables. Dartz smiled, 'HAHA! I'm making my evil warriors happy! They're traning and they don't even know it! Take that Vader! Do you go to cooking class with your evil minions? I don't think so!'  
"Well actually, he takes them to swimming class, he's craving Hawaii and he wants them to know how to swim." Some one said to his right.  
"Voldemort? What are you doing here!" Dartz exclaimed, looking at his fellow-evil-genius. The Dark Wizard shrugged, pointing to two robed figures whose toaster was currently smoking. "Wormtail and Malfoy cant cook worth a damn." With that, he ran over, Crucio-ing peole left and right. Dartz shrugged. 'I killed two birds with one stone! I never liked those birds…'  
He shook his head and went back to his happy ramblings.

* * *

Valon laughed evilly as blood spattered everywhere. Next to him, Raphael was randomly throwing knives at people and Alister was arguing with the instructor whether or not roasted rattlesnake was edible or not.  
"I'm telling you, I've eaten rattlesnake before! It's perfectly edible!" Alister yelled, throwing his arms in the air.  
"How could you eat that! Did you even know where that's been!" The instructor lady screamed in outrage.  
"I washed it ya know!" The redhaired screamed, lunging at her and knocking her down. Dartz rushed up, trying to pry the yowling boy off the poor woman who was crying.  
"What do you think you're doing Alister?" He yelled, raising the redhead up to his face. "Why is it that whenever I try and make your lives better you three go and ruin it!" He screamed at all three boys who cowered under his evil glare. "Come on! We're going home!" He grabbed them by their wrists and dragged them out, Valon still trying to chop up one more chicken.

* * *

Author's Note –

Crappy ending.

(1) You know at the supermarket, at the deli part, there's like this tall oven thing, and you see chickens being grilled in it, yeah and the stick that holds the ckicken in place, yeah it looks like a square fork or something, I don't know if that makes sense, but if it does, good for you!

Well I think I did much better in this chapter than in the last one, but that's just my opinion. So, you know the drill, review, and if you're all really nice, I'll update sooner.

Later,  
DAR

p.s. I love suggestion and requests so please tell me if you want to see something here!

DAR


	12. Splendid Splenda

**Family**

**By dark-angel-rising**

**By the way, I'm terribly sorry for the short chappie and slow update, Amunet had been having fun making me feel all… uninspired… yeah,**

**REVIEWS!**

**drgn prncss - **thank you for your suggestions, I'll try and squeeze something in.

**ladyvella42 – **It's the blood, its always the blood. Hehe, yeah, I failed Home Ec too, but that was because I like playing with sharp objects… hehe, uh, sorry is I disturbed ya…

**ShadowTears** – Of course ya know where I live, you live right next door! Haha, thanks for the review!

**Alucardlordofvampires – **Thanks for the suggestion, that will be sooo funny! Perhaps try and drown the life guard or the instructor or something…

**Yoshimi Jaganshi** – Of course they did, they just don't remember it… yeah, crappy memory…

* * *

Valon looked up at the massive structure. The sign said 'Spago.' He shivered.  
"I'm scared, can I wait in the car?" He asked, looking at the building with fear. Next to him, Alister smirked, taunting, "Ooooh, is wittle Valon scawed of the wittle westauwant?" ahead of them Dartz scowled.  
"Valon, it's a restaurant, get over yourself, Alister, if you talk like this inside, I'll feed your soul to Leviathan. Kapeesh?" With that, he whirled around and entered the restaurant, followed by Raphael. Alister looked at Valon strangely.  
"When did he start saying kapeesh?" Valon shrugged.  
"Since two seconds ago."

They walked into the restaurant, and were quickly seated at a table tucked away in the back corner. The waitress had been gone with their orders for around an hour now, and they still had no food and were pretty damn hungry. Suddenly Valon noticed something next to the grain of salt of the table. What was that. He picked the small paper package up looking at it.  
"Hey, um… what's Splenda?"

* * *

"HAHAHAHAHA! Hehe," Valon giggled insanely. "Ya know what I don't get? How is Splenda like sugar, tastes like sugar, made from sugar, but isn't sugar! I mean how is that possible? Woah, look at my hands… they're like…so weird." He started staring at his hands stupidly, while Dartz hid his burning face under the table. (Which didn't really do anything, his hair was still poking out.)  
Alister edged away from Valon, while Raphael was muttering to himself, "Must resist… urge… to steal… Splenda…" Over and over.  
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and hehe witty and GAY!" Valon sang/screamed/laughed, the entire restaurant looking at him strangely. "And I pity, any girl who isn't me tooooo-night!"

Dartz moaned. This was horrible. Who'd of thought that someone could get high off of Splenda? He grabbed the three boys and ran out of the restaurant, Valon still singing and trying to get the little packets of Splenda to stay hidden.

* * *

A/N I was uninspired, and hyper and maybe high on Splenda when I wrote this chapter, so please be nice this time, because I really tried. Yeah. Once again, please send ideas! Ya want me to post dont ya!

Review, please,

DAR

(giggles and runs around wearing a giant sombrero.)

Dartz: Please kill me.


	13. We All Hate School

**Family **

**dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**Tk Macintosh – **ohh, or who gets into detention first… This is an awesome idea!

**fightingcomet - **Oh, I'm sorry, my mom always tries to get me out of the house, never works. Hmmm. It's weird, and people look at you like you're insane, and one guy asked me if he should get me a straight-jacket, I just started laughing. Hehe… enjoy this chapter.

**Alucardlordofvampires – **Yeah, but seeing anyone high off splenda is spooky… mmm… I should do a chapter with caffine… hehehehehe

**ladyvella42** – A reinactment of SCI huh? I can see it now…  
Thanks for the idea, you're awesome!

**drgn prncss - **I swear, you CAN! It's really weird thought 'cause when you do, you know stare at your hands like an idiot or laugh like a maniac! FUN!

**Shrilanka-San** – Thankies!Oh yeah, Mai will make an appearance, I cant believe I forgot about her! The other idea with the club was great too, I cant belive I didn't think of that!

**Many thanks to Tk Macintosh, Alucardlordofvampires, Shrilanka-San and ladyvella42 for the wonderful ideas! You guys rock! **

**I was on vacation and had no internet access. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' with it. Ok, ya ready to read the chapter now?**

**Chapter 13**

Dartz looked at the three boys with fatherly pride. Raphael, Alister, and Valon were lined up in the entrance hall, all wearing **clean **clothes, their hair combed carefully, and their lunches packed and in their backbacks. Though Valon had slipped some beer into his lunch, but no one needed to know that.  
"Alright you three, I want you to behave today. By that I mean no pranks, no assasination attempts, and absolutely no Splenda over-dosage, Valon!" The shortest of the boys hung his head, scuffing the floor with his shoe. "Aw, shucks."  
The annoying honking outside announced the arrival of the school bus. No one scooted over to let Raphael and Alister sit down, and the two had to sit all the way in the front, right behind the ugly old bus driver, Earl. They looked over at where Valon was, to find their comrade being glomped to death by fangirls. Valon was eating up the attention, grinning and winking at the girls. Raphael grumbled, while Alister muttered angrily under his breath. Earl turned around, grinning at Alister with one tooth.

"Eh don' worry, missy, yer, boyfrien' will come back ta yeh."

Alister shrieked with rage. "I'm a guy, you turd-faced old geezer!" Earl shrugged, and went back to driving. The grinding of Alister's teeth was the only thing anyone heard for the whole bus ride.

* * *

Their first class was Algebra, and after a slight disagreement with the teacher, Raphael and Alister sat behind two kids, one with brown hair and the other with tall spiky hair that looked like it had to have been lathered in gel before it could stand up properly.

Valon didn't show up for class, probably making-out with some girl in the janitor's closet. Well, actually, the Aussie missed out on a fairly interesting lesson. Raphael kept getting into arguments with the spiky haired kid, whose name turned out to be Yugi.

(A/N: D'yall see where I'm going with this?)

"I'm telling you! X times 24 divided by two is 12x!" Yugi yelled, nearly poking a hole in the paper. Raphael rolled his eyes. "And I'm telling you, shrimp!"Raphael growled, shaking his fist in Yugi's face. "X times 24 divided by two cant be solved because you don't know what X is!" Yugi was about an inch away from ripping his pretty porcupine hair out. "Kaiba! What's X times 24 divided by two? Kaiba?" He looked around and finally saw Kaiba and Alister under the table, the latter seemingly trying to choke all the life out of the brown haired boy.

"Die Kaiba! Die! Die a slow and tortured death!" Alister kept screaming over and over.

* * *

Raphael, Alister, and Valon were all standing in the principal's office, staring numbly at their feet. The dinky old principal had been yelling at them for about an hour now. It was actually pretty amazing to see a guy that old screaming so loudly for so long.

"You, Valon, cutting classes to go make out with some girl in the janitor's closet! And you, Alister! Putting Mr. Kaiba in the hospital! He's suing us now! And you, Raphael-"

The blonde boy looked up confused.  
"What did I do!"  
"We checked your locker and we found beer and steroids!" The old man shoted, spraying the boys with old man spit. (A/N: ew.)  
"They weren't mine! Valon planted them there!" Raphael shouted, nearing hysterics. Meanwhile, Valon kicked him hard in the shins.  
"Oh yeah, let's blame everything on the Aussie! I don't do drugs you friggin' junkie!" He threw a punch at Raphael's face. The blonde boy punched him back yelling,

"Hey! Don't insult my 'roids!" The two fell on the ground punching, kicking, and screaming. Alister shook his head sadly. Such idiots.

After the old geezer managed to pull the two fighting boys apart, he continued with his yelling. "Not to mention that all three of you have threatened to steal Mr. Kaiba's, Mr. Motou's and Jose's souls!" The principal yelled. Valon riased an eyebrow. "Who's Jose?"

"The janitor." Valon snorted.

"Janitor's don't count."

"Whatever. I'm going to be calling your father!"

The three boys yelped in fear, cowering on the floor. Raphael kept whimpering, "Please don't tell Dartzy that we were bad! I don't wanna have to duel in a tutu ever again!" while clinging to the old fart's leg like a lifeline. The other two boys nodded in agreement. The principal shrugged, and grabbed the phone and dialed Dartz' number.

The phone picked up on the second ring.

"Hello, you've reached Evil People Inc, I'm DAR, spokesperson for EP Inc. If you have a suggestion or a complaint, please press one. If you have a ballot for next year's awards ceremony, please press two. If you have a psychopath on your lawn, please press three. If this has anything to do with the DOOM Bikers, please stay on the line."

The principal turned around, looking at the boys, who all seemed to have gotten over their little episode.

"You three the DOOM Bikers right?" Alister shot him a dirty look.

"Yeah, I mean, check the jackets." With that the three boys turned around and the lettering DOOM was embroidered in big letters all over the back. What's more, Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest (in no particular order) started doing a disturbing little dance, singing their theme song. But unfortunately, Valon kept messing up, so they just stopped. Raphael was now in a foul mood. He whapped Valon over the head snapping, "See what happens when you skip practice to ride around on your bike?" The brunette nodded, pouting slightly.

Uh, anyway…

"Hello, you've reached the DOOM hotline, I'm Jerry, how can I help you, and if you're a chick, what are you wearing?" Asked a very perverted sounding voice over the line.

The principal's eyes widened, but he shook his head and started talking.

"Hello, I'm the principal of the school that Raphael, Valon, and Alister attend and I'm calling for Mr. Dartz. Is he there?"

There was a pause at the other end of the line.

"Sure."

There was another pause and someone else answered the phone.

"I told you Eduardo, you're fired. If you're gonna insult my robes, you can't be my fashion consultant." Said Dartz into the phone, while attempting to bake a pie.

"Uh, this is Mr. Pinkerstein, I'm the principal of Doodle E. Squawck Middle School, and your sons are in my office because they were behaving very badly in school today."

There was a loud explosion on the other end of the line followed by moans and muffled cursing.

"I'll be right there Mr. Tinkerstein."

"Yes, it's Mr. Pinkerstein, though."

"Whatever."

* * *

Dartz entered the principal's office, his periwinkle hair burnt slightly and a look of fury on his face. Of course, this would look far more frightening if he didn'd have smudges of blueberry all over his face.

"Boys! I'm very disappointed in you! When we get home, you all have to clean the house from top to bottom with a toothbrush!"

"Er, Mr. Dartz, sir, perhaps we should sit down and discuss your boys' behaviour problems." The principal began, but was abruptly, (and rather rudely) cut off.

"I'm terribly sorry Mr. Tinkles but I have a hair appointment." With that, Dartz dragged the three boys out of the office, tossed them in the car and sped off, leaving an old fart steaming in his office.

'It's Mr. Pinkerstein!'

* * *

Terribly sorry about the wait!

But I think it was worth it, so anyway, review and tell me what you think, the first person to review shall receive…. (dramatic pause)

uhhh, lesse, what do we have in my fridge…. Dududududu….  
Ohh! How 'bout some juice? No wait, that's expired… Um, I'll think of somethin' being the intelligent person that I am.

Dartz – coffcoff  
DAR – Excuse me?  
Dartz – I said coffcoff  
DAR – And what would that mean?  
Dartz – You're the smart one, figure it out!  
DAR – You were insulting me, weren't ya?  
Dartz – Oh, see, you are smart!  
DAR – Why you… ( pulls off shoe (hey! That rhymed!))  
Dartz – EEP!  
DAR – (chases him around with the shoe)  
Dartz – Review!

Hey! That rhymed again! I'm on a frickin' roll today!

DAR


	14. Da spell

**Family**

**dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**Glitchiness – **Well, then my job is done.

**ladyvella42 – **Really? I should read that story… anyway, here's the next chappie, enjoy.

**Shrilanka-San – **Glad ya liked it! Maybe the heroes will fight back…

**fightingcomet – **The Doomies? Jobs! That's a really scary thought! But really, this an awesome idea, I'm gonna use it sometime soon.

**Yoshimi Jaganshi – **M-m-m-maybe…. And on Yugi… well I'll just say that a darker side lurks beneath the surface, and no, it's not the Pharaoh…

Thanks to all who reviewed and to Glitchiness for reviewing first, since I have no food that's remotely edible, just have a DOOM plushie! Yays!

Dartz – For someone who claims she's not very athletic, you run like a freakin' steam train.  
DAR – It's a gift.  
Dartz – Can I please faint from exhaustion now?  
DAR – Hell no.  
Dartz – Dammit.

**Chapter 14**

Dartz was lounging in his office, wondering what he would do with his three trouble-makers. He really didn't want to punish them for doing something bad, I mean, they were supposed to grow to become evil minions that ran around stealing people's souls like there was no tomorrow. So in a way, they were doing the right thing breaking all the rules. But then again…

Meanwhile…

"Soo… wattaya wanna do today?" Alister asked, hanging half-way off the couch, his head resting on the floor. The other two shrugged, and Valon threw another dart at the wall.

"Hey! I have an idea!" He exclaimed suddenly, jumping off his perch on the bookshelf. "At school today there was this guy that told me about this really great site. Wanna check it out?" He asked, bouncing with excitement. His two comrades nodded.

"To the internet!" He cried out, striking a weird pose, and getting even wierder looks from Raphael and Alister.

"What?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"Ookay, what should we get?" Raphael asked, scrolling through the list of spells and illegal materials. "Aphrodisiac spell? Living Doll Experiment? Sex-switch machine? No wait, we already have one in the basement…"

Valon and Alister were both leaning on his shoulders both looking through the list.

"Hey!" Alister exclaimed, pointing to a window. "How 'bout we get that?"

They all smiled at each other.

"Perfect."

* * *

As the three demon-spawn entered the school they were secretly pointing little paper tubes filled with weird herbs at students and muttering spells under their breath. Their first class was Algebra and they all sat in the very back, shooting spells off at random. 

In five minutes…

"When are they supposed to work?" Alister whined quietly to Raphael who was reading the instructions one more time. (A/N: Valon and Alister still cant read very well.)

"Says here in about five minutes." He replied, folding the paper and stufing it in his pocket. Suddenly…

Some kid named Joey, who was notorious for being a bully, turned around and smiled kindly at them.

"Hi!" He said, shaking their hands. "My name is Joey, wanna be best friends?" He asked, happily. Meanwhile, the friend-ship freak, a.k.a. Tea, snarled meanly.

"Friends suck! I don't want any friends! Having friends is stupid! I'm gonna go for a smoke!" She howled, punching Joey in the face and running out of the room. The blonde kid simply smiled and said, "She just needs a good friend." And began making a friendship collage.

The Doom boys grinned wickedly at each other. It worked.

Near the front of the room, Yugi was mercilessly hitting on everyone and that also happened to include his desk. And next to him, Kaiba was prancing around his desk squawking and doing the chicken dance.

Mrs. Tankamura looked bewildered at the sudden change in her students' behaviours. Tea Gardner had been forced to wear a strip of duct tape over her mouth on the first day of school so that the teachers could do their job. Now she was running around yelling that she hated friends? And Seto Kaiba? Doing the chicken dance? Impossible.

By now, the class was in chaos. The people that were preps five minutes ago, were slathering eye-liner and mascara on their faces, and those that were goth were wiping their's away screaming in fear at all the make-up.

And there was also the matter of Tristan Taylor, who before was hardly noticeable, and was now strip-dancing on top of his table. (Author shudders. I hate Tristan. I hate his hair too.)

That's it. She fainted.

By lunchtime, the school was in chaos, and the DOOM Bikers were running around taking incriminating pictures for future black-mailing purposes. Life was good on the evil end.

* * *

"So boys, what did you do today?" Dartz asked, smiling sadistically at the three boys as they came home rom school after a wild bus ride. 

"N-n-nothing, Dartz-sama." Raphael stuttered, his right eye twitching.

"Yeah, you know, same old, same old." Valon said, smiling convincingly at Dartz.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." Alister added.

Dartz kept smiling, (which by the way was very un-nerving, seeing as his sadistic smile is really creepy.)

"Really? Because I just got a call from your principal, and he said that you three cursed the entire school to act differently. Is that what happened?"

Valon snarled, and stomped hard on Raphael's foot. "You bloody, stupid, baboon! You said that it would last 24 hours! And that they wouldn't remember any of it!"

By now, the blonde boy was jumping around on one foot, rubbing his damaged toes.

"I had no time to read the side-effects!" He cried, jumping out of reach from Valon, who was now throwing punches at him. "You dragged me off to practice on your bikes!" He hid behind Dartz, whimpering.

Dartz raised an elegant periwinkle eyebrow. "They why did you have tire marks all over your trenchcoat?" He asked Raphael who looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

"I was the ramp."

"Oh." He turned back to Alister and Valon. Who were trying to decipher the side-effects.

"Hey, Alister, what's flatulence?" Valon asked, and Dartz sweatdropped.

* * *

At the Motou residence… 

"Foo! Yugi! Did you do that?"

"Sorry Gramps."

"I can barely breathe."

"Sorry."

* * *

Back with our, erm, 'heroes'… 

"Oh, boys… you have absolutely no idea how happy I am that you're turning out so evil!" Dartz exclaimed, hugging the three boys tightly. "Tomorrow, I'm taking you to the Junior. Evil Awards." He straightened up and wiped a tear of happiness out if his eye. (The weird blue one.)

He smiled at the three boys one more time and walked back to his office, daydreaming of his three boys all grown up and stealing-souls for him.The thought made his feel al fuzzy inside.

* * *

A/N  
In my opinion, this was one of the funniest chapters yet. Let me know what you think.

* * *

P.S. ! 

(A/N: I really wanted to put this in, but I kinda forgot, so it' here. Please read it before you review.)

In the Kaiba manor, Mr. Jeeves (I'm talking about that really ugly butler that was really mean to Seto. I don't remember his name, someone tell it to me please.) was lying on the floor unconscious, and standing over him was a laughing Seto Kaiba.

"BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You can't defeat me!"

Suddenly he stopped and sniffed the air. Gasping, he crumpled to the floor, twitching occasionally.

* * *

Ok. I'm done. Review. 

DAR


	15. Author's Note VERY Important

I seriously hope that Admin wont punihs me for putting up an Author's Note, because I really don't want to loose all my reviews. Yeah, I'm vain.

Anyway, I have severe writers blocks on all three of my stories, Family, Viva Las Vegas, and Ryou Bakura, RME. Plus my first week in highschool has already been really stressful and I'm, actually trying to get good grades this year.

So if anyone wants to help me write at least the next chapter of these stories, please send me an e-mail, cause I'd really appreciate it!

Thanks,

Arigato,

Gracias,

Spacibo,

Merci,

Uh, I think that's all the languages I can say thank you in...

DAR


	16. Awards, Seniors, and a Sportsbra

**Family**

**dark-angel-rising**

**REVIEWS!**

**Shrilanka-San – **Thankies! Enjoy da chappie!

**PrepMassacre –** That would be Kaiba, cuz that was one of the side-effects of the spell. That butler really is butt ugly, the animator's hand must have slipped when they were drawing him.

**fightingcomet – **You're friggin' brillliant! I'm definetly putting that in sometime!

**Sour Schuyler – **I am so honoured you read my story! I love yours! Anyway, thanks for reviewing, enjoy this chappie!

**ladyvella42 – **You finally reviewed! I was kinda getting worried there for a second… anyways, thanks for reviewing! Maybe I should see if there is something like that, so I could set it loose at my school… hm…

**Yoshimi Jaganshi –** Aww… stop being mean to Seto-kun!

Kaiba: Call me that one more time and my Blue Eyes will blast you off the face of the earth!

DAR: Nevermind.

**drgn prncss – **Yes… we all hate the friendship freak… I have several assasination attempts for her already if ya wanna see… anyway, thanks for reviewing!

**HikariYamiSumi – **Would I really torture all those kids, not to mention the DOOMies?

Yes…  
Yes I would…

**InSaNePeRsOn** – er… no comment…

**Because is mean, this is the last chapter with review responces. All questions will be answered by e-mail, and I'll still mention you in my Author's Notes.**

**Chapter 15 (Wow, who'd of thought I'd get here?)**

The DOOM group was currently sitting in cheap plastic chairs, waiting for the awards to be handed out. Since this was only the Junior Evil Awards Ceremony, there was no formal wear, no sparkly things, and unfortunately (for Dartz) no alcohol.

The three boys were entered in the best evil plot. Valon was pouting that they wouldn't let them in the best evil costume category, because of Alister and his friggin' bellyshirt.  
("So don't let Alister enter, God knows he has no fashion sense, but what about me!")  
Raphael was busy flexing his huge muscles to some girls over by the water fountain. They werent impressed. Apparently looking like a blond, hairless gorilla wasn't a turn on anymore.

The awards were being given out pretty quickly, because there was a senior bingo tournament in fifteen minutes.

Kagura and Kanna won best evil siblings (Naraku was crying into his lacy handkerchief), Wrath got best evil action to date. All the sins were there except for Pride and Envy. Pride was stuck at his pedicure appointment, and Envy didn't bother to show up. The award for best evil costume went to some freakishly tanned blond hedgehog creature named Marik (Valon was booing) and finally, the award for best evil plot. Dartz was wringing his hands like a worried mother, Raphael was poking at his uber-muscely (sp?) arm, Valon was berating Alister for wearing that 'ridiculous grey sportsbra', and the other boy was vainly trying to prevent himself from punching Valon in the face.

"And the winner for best evil plot is… Prince Koenma! HAHA! Got ya Dartz! You looked like you were about to have a coronary! No it's actually Valon, Alister and Raphael for the Force of er… Flatulence. Congradulations, boys! Now hurry up, the seniors want to play bingo, and they have their aluminium walkers wih them."

The three boys gulped at the thought of the scary seniors and quickly grabbed their tinfoil trophy from DAR and ran back to their seats.

"Ok, next evil convention will be held in New York. So remember to bring someone who you want to commit suicide!" With that, the room emptied and the seniors got to have their bingo tournament.

* * *

Quite short, but I had a SEVERE writer's block for this chapter. Yeah, so anyway, please review, because I worked realy hard on this one!

DAR


	17. A Belated Thanksgiving

**Family **

**By dark-angel-rising**

Thanks to **drgn prncss**, and **PrepMassacre**. The only people that reviewed the crappy chapter.

Anyway, on with the story!

Dartz: She continues to torture us. Someone! Please tell her to stop!

Me: Shut it you!

Dartz: OWIEEEEE! She bit me!

Me: Tattle-tale.

It was Thanksgiving Morning in the Doom Mansion, and the Doom Bikers were all strewn haphazardly on the couch watching football. It was a pretty boring game, but it was really cold and raining outside, so lying around the house was a pretty good idea. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Dartz was merrily prancing around wearing a pink apron with strawberries all over it, along with matching oven mitts. He had selflessly volunteered himself to prepare the Thanksgiving Dinner. He gave a weird little hop/pirouette as the oven went off and he pulled out the golden brown turkey. Twirling his way to the dinner table. Ha! Darth Vader could stuff this in his ugly facemask! He was going to prove himself better than that idiot goody-goody! He would invite everyone he knew from Evil People Inc. to celebrate Thanksgiving. Ok, so maybe he had an unterior motive, but no one else needed to know that. Especially hat quack Vader. Grrr…

"I'm bored!" Valon whined for the 115th time. Alister groaned and covered his head with a pillow. Raphael rolled his eyes and buried himself behind his biker magazine. (It was actually the November issue of Interior Home Design)

"Valon if you're that bored, go bother Dartz-sama." Raphael said, completely absorbed in an article about scented candles I mean, uh… the newest goggles. Yeah.

The blue-eyed Aussie jumped up and skipped out of the room, humming a pointless little tune.

"Thanks Raffy." Alister said, extracting his head from under the pillow.

"No problem, Allie."

Dartz sighed happily. Everything was perfect. House clean. Check. Boys watching football and not getting in his way. Check. Food. Check. His hair at its periwinkle prettiest. Check, squeal, giggle, pat hair. Yes, everything was perfect. He went into the kitchen to check on the turkey, and the sight that greeted him made him scream.

The entire room was in chaos. There was food dripping from the ceiling, milk all over the floor, and a large bag of sugar was spilled over his famous green bean casserole. And in the middle of it all was a certain blue-eyed, brown-haired, Aussie biker doing the tango with a half-eaten turkey. Dartz saw red.

"Valon!" He screamed charging at the boy. He was about to tackle him when the Aussie jumped into the air, hovering by a large glop of mashed potatoes. "Kung-Fu powers! EMERGE! Praying Mantis Strike! Heah!" He landed hard on Dartz' back and jumped out the door. Dartz stared at the turkey. His beautiful creation… gone… Valon would pay for this!

Raphael and Alister were having a rather heated match on Alister's Game Cube that he found in the store parking lot and absolutely didn't steal from some lady's cart, when Valon ran through the room, followed by an enraged Dartz holding a half-eaten turkey in one hand and a giant butcher knife in another. Valon did some sort of complicated jump/twirl to dodge Dartz' knife. The two raced out of the room, leaving Raphael and Alister staring at where they were. The red-head was the first to break the silence.

"Well at least we know that the Evil Kung-Fu Master spell works." Raphael nodded. "Yeah."

Dartz was breathing so hard that he had deafened everyone within a ten-mile radius with his asthmatic breathing. He stood before the charred, smoldering remains of his mansion. Next to him, Alister was crying over the loss of his blankie, and Raphael over his porn and steroids collection. It was a very sad sight. Just then, evil theme music started playing as limos, helicopters, spaceships, and clouds of miasma filled his driveway.

"Well, Dartz, where is your dinner?" Naraku asked, looking over the damage done to the house, while trying to sew his last albino baboon pelt together. (Kanna had been on a rampage in his castle, destroying everything in her way. Demon puberty was scary! T-T

"Yeah, my friends were having a party and I couldn't go because of you." DAR said, pulling out a sword from god-knows-where. (A/N: I wish I could do that in real life!)

"Um, one of my… subordinates was cursed and uh… he went insane…" Dartz mumbled, his face burning with humiliation. DAR whipped out a notebook and began scribbling things down.

"No lying skills, subordinates capable of being manipulated by an outside force, other subordinates crying over lost posessions…. Hmm.. Dartz, these are some pretty serious violations." She ripped out the page. "Your fines come to a total of six million dollars. You have until Christmas to pay it off." She handed the stunned king the list and her limo disappeared in a haze of smoke. Soon the other guests left, muttering darkly about wannabe evil people. Only Darth Vader stayed behind.

"You know, I'd let you have the money to pay those fines." He said, pulling out his link hello kitty checkbook. Dartz' eyes widened in joy, "Really? You'd do that for me?" The Sith Lord nodded.

"But in return you have to admit I deserved that award." Dartz face turned dark with fury.

"Get off my singed property, you ugly bitch."

This is officially the worst ending ever. Yes. And I want you to know I hate all of you because you didn't even FLAME last chapter! WAS IT REALLY THAT TERRIBLE THAT NO ONE READ IT! ANSWER ME!

Yea.

DAR


	18. The Sparkly Powder Man

Family

Dark-angel-rising

TKMacintosh, drgn prncss, Shrilanka-San, Yoshimi Jaganshi,

Why isn't anyone reviewing? Did everyone of my readers die! sobbing hysterically What have I done to deserve this! Oh yeah, everyone who did review gets a basket filled to the brim with goodies. And I'm sorry I haven't been able to update in a while. My beloved computer (pets stormchaser) is just so old and slow… and school is so mean….

HELP THE CAUSE! BUY POCKY AND ORIGINAL ANIME ART FROM ME! REASONABLE PRICES! WHOOO!

Erm, sorry, back to the story.

* * *

Dartz was sad. Really really sad. With the repairs that needed to be done to his house and the six million dollar fine, he was forced to move the doom family to a dinky little apartment in Domino city. Which was a far cry from his mansion. There were only two bedrooms and two bathrooms, and both were painfully tiny. The sleeping arrangements were made thus. Raphael, Valon, Alister, and all their crap would get the small bedroom, and Dartz would get the big one. It was only fair, in his opinion. He was the one who would have to pay rent.

That night…

"I cant feel my foot." Valon stated as all three boys were huddled together on the twin bed. Raphael was on the edge, then Valon, and Alister practically on top of him because there was no more room.

"Oh yeah, well I'm sliding off the edge." The blonde snapped, tiredly.

"Valon, would you please stop breathing on me? It's making me very uncomfortable." Alister asked squirming slightly.

Now I bet you're wondering why they all decided to sleep on one bed, and not on the couch or the floor. Suffice to say that the apartment they would now live in was cheap for a reason, and none of them wanted to be stuck on the couch that tried to eat Valon up the previous day. So that is how the three teenage boys were stuck on the small bed in the small room filled with Martha Stewart magazines (the covers weere ripped off and replaced with covers from biker mags) all sorts of odd weaponry, mass notebooks of assasination plans, and vast amounts of hair care products all labeled 'VALON'S, SO DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH!'

The next morning, Dartz got up for his morning jog in his snazzy torquoise suit, and was about to wake up the boys (because he had every right for torturing them for burning the mansion.)

As he entered the room, he saw all boys cuddled together, Alister drooling slightly in Raphael's hair. He cooed to himself, and quickly took some incriminting pictures before disappearing in a cloud of sparkly baby blue powder.

* * *

Author's Note:

Gah I hate this. I really wanted to write more but I couldn't think of anything. **smacks head** I need sugar.

DAR


End file.
